Sunday, August 31, 2008

Lessons from my hick town: never judge a man by his memorial

I've driven past this Civil War Memorial hundreds of times. It is just up the street from me. Each time I would have the same thought, racist redneck. Then a few days ago I got a call from my friend Tina. She let me know that the Confederate Pyre, as we had come to call it, now had an Obama poster in front of it.

Hmmmmm.

My curiosity began to bubble and within a few hours I was on my way over there to take pictures of this juxtaposition. I felt weird taking pictures without leaving my name, so I dropped a note in the mailbox. That is when I noticed that the memorial honoree and the current resident shared a last name: Tatum. Curiouser and curiouser.

David Tatum Jr. called the next day and was open to a visit from me and my camera. During our comfortable hour, David shared precious artifacts such as his great grandfather J.C. Tatum's official release papers granted to him from the capturing Union Army, and an 1845 edition of Howe's Virginia complete with a hand written description of the fall of Richmond. He also explained that his great grandfather, JC Tatum, does not yet have a marked grave because no one knows where he is buried. JC Tatum was a member of the 1st Company Richmond Howitzers.

David's genealogy is fascinating- the first Tatum to come to America was an English orphan, sold as an indentured servant the same year the first African slaves came to American soil: 1619. Once we warmed up on the comfortable subjects, I jumped to the one that brought me here: What's with the Obama support?

"You thought I was a racist redneck, didn't you?"
I didn't deny this. Mr. Tatum expressed what many of my Obama supporting peers do: our country is falling apart and it is time for a change.
"I close my eyes," he said, "and listen to what the candidates have to say. It has nothing to do with color." I wondered out loud if this causes any ripples in his social organizations, Sons of Confederate Veterans in particular.
"There are racists in every organization. That doesn't make the organization racist. Sure, I may get flack from some folks. But I don't care."

He had a startling collection of replica cannons- including one being used as a flower pot. I couldn't understand how that was a cannon. So David, without a moment's hesitation, put out his cigarette, took the flowers out of the cannon, and opened a small chest that contained tins of black powder. I was sure we were all going to get blown up when he started tamping it down.
"Don't worry. The tamper is plastic. And if it does blow up, we'll all be in the next life before you even know it."

He stuck in a fuse and announced to his daughter, "Big Boom." She confirmed back, "OK, Big Boom." I was impressed with the safety routine. Walking outside, he rang a loud bell before firing the cannon. I knew it was coming, knew it was going to be loud, even covered my ears. But still could not help screaming in reaction to the Big Boom.



Just as shocking as the Big Boom were some Civil War interpretations I had never heard before: Lincoln was racist and used the Emancipation Proclamation as a political maneuver to prevent France and England from allying with the South; Lincoln wanted to deport all blacks away from American soil and create a white-only nation; Slaves were sold to the Southern states before the Northern states abolished slavery. While I cannot confirm or deny Mr. Tatum's interpretation of history, I resonated very strongly with his sentiments on slavery.
"Slavery was a national sin. It cannot be laid at the feet of the South alone."

The whole experience was liberating for me. I get nervous about living in a hick town. Afraid sometimes, even. So much so that I seriously considered moving just to be in a more "sophisticated" local. Gratitude to David Tutum Jr., my neighbor, for reminding me that there is no place like home.

When I thought Mr. Tatum could not possibly surprise me anymore, he tells me about his Civil War poetry. This is a genre of poetry I had never heard of. Here is a sample of Mr. Tatum's work.

The Locket.©
At last the war was over, Now Johnny was on his way home.
And silent as most of the others - Passing a wasteland of ashes and stone.

For once on that land stood proud “Dixie” a lady that Johnny loved true.
At the station at home waited Heather, A jealous woman, but John loved her too.

Yes Heather was jealous of Dixie- because Dixie had taken “Her Man”
In her heart Heather tried to forgive her- But Dixie had ruined her plans.

At her church Heather planned to get Married- Then raise children to play in the yard!

But Dixie stole Johnny for four long years-so finding forgiveness was hard.

But now he was “HOME” it was over- yes sweet Heather was waiting for him.
With flowers in hand, she’d wait for this man- Then caress those coarse hairs on his chin.
But at the Station there were so many- in fact it took Heather a while.
When she saw him she greeted him gently- a silent kiss blended with a sad smile.

Close she sat as they rode back of carriage- past Her Church that was burned to the ground
Then through a charred frame, its all that remained- of what once was there small southern town.
It was then that she noticed the “locket”- her auburn hair sticking out a small crack.
When she gave it to Johnny he Promised- that “Yes Dear- I’ll Bring It Back”

So true to his word Johnny had it - but as the carriage passed by the old well.
Heather looked in his face and saw the cold trace - of four years of fighting through Hell.
As the carriage pulled into the back yard - Johnny still had her locket in hand
Heather smiled and kissed him so Gently - closed the lid - Then she buried her man.

David Tatum JR ®

Friday, August 29, 2008

Improve your sex life with kegel repetitions

Last time we checked in on Lucas and Tracy, they agreed that their sex "sucked," that Lucas would not watch porn for a month, that Tracy would try to have sex with the lights on, and that each of them would work on ways to build an erotic culture for their relationship. The summer put a wrench into our schedule and created a 90 day gap since our last session. We had a lot of catching up to do.

We spent the first half of the session bringing everyone up to speed. Lucas found that after 30 days without porn his perception of it had changed; he found the images "a bit disgusting but still hot, instead of just hot." I could not tell if this was sincere or if this was an effort on his part to mollify Tracy. Tracy found that initiating sex was frustrating; Lucas could not get an erection when she initiated sex. "I finally work up the courage to give him a blow job and his dick just won't get hard. I felt humiliated and fat." Ninety days is a long time.

We revisited the pornography issue. Tracy is not interested in supporting Lucas' interest in porn because "I can't be like those girls. I can't just climax over and over like that." Lucas doesn't want to give porn up because it is a source of sexual satisfaction for him. The topic of orgasms came up and we discussed it. Reliable male orgasm is much easier to achieve from a couple's perspective. Reliable female orgasm is the Holy Grail. Tracy does not drop the word "climax" lightly. She blushed. This was An Issue. Lucas was almost silent on the topic of female orgasm, also blushing.

I had an understanding at this point, a clarity of vision: Lucas was watching porn not only to release his own sexual energy, but also to learn how to have good sex. Tracy couldn't stand porn because it represents the ultimate sexual experience, one she could never have because she does not have a perfect body and cannot orgasm on demand. All the other issues pivoted around Lucas and Tracy's ideas of what successful sex looked like. For both of them, porn sex represented the ideal sexual experience. They had been imprinted to think porn sex was the best sex. I shared this idea with them. I thought it was a break through. This was old news to them.

Lucas: Well sure, I want to be like those guys. Rock hard all the time, know just how to make her orgasm.
Tracy: The porn stars, they are really good at sex. That, and they have perfect bodies and multiple orgasms. I can't move like that.

We all then agreed that the most important part of sex for both of them was the orgasm. They both wanted one. "At least one," Tracy added. And then, beep beep beep, the timer went off and we had to wrap up. I assigned homework. First, I asked Lucas to limit his porn watching to these two sites: I Shot Myself and Beautiful Agony. I Shot Myself features erotic self portraits where the subject must be holding the camera herself. Beautiful Agony has head shots and short video clips of people having orgasms. Second, I asked them both to start doing kegels in preparation for our next session, where we will be discussing how to create reliable orgasms for both of them.

UPDATE 09.02.08
The websites were a hit, and Lucas and Tracy asked for more of the same.
Per Lucas, "Just as good as regular porn, but I don't feel guilty."
Per Tracy, "They are real!"

I've recommended the following:

  • I Feel Myself: Shorts of women masturbating. Great instructional site for men!
  • Hippie Goddess: Presents as a site featuring unshaven women, but is also one of the few sites on the net that features images of women with imperfectly beautiful bodies.

How to dispose of compact flourescent bulbs in Virginia

A friend recently asked me what she should do with her burned out fluorescent lighting, the ones that are full of mercury. The Virginia Department of Environmental Quality has four suggestions on their website.

The first suggestion is a blow off to other departments:
Check directly with your local waste management agency on the recycling options and disposal guidelines in your community: Local government recycling contacts


The second suggestion is a blow off to different other departments:
If your community has a household hazardous waste drop-off center or offers household hazardous waste collection events, check to see if CFLs are accepted. Please contact your local government for more information on these events: Hazardous household waste contacts

The third suggestion is a referral to private companies that charge anywhere from $8 to $60 for CFL recycling:
You can purchase boxes online or in retail stores and mail your used CFLs to be recycled: Mail-in programs for CFLs

At the end, a practical suggestion:
If recycling is not an option where you live, simply place the CFL bulb in a plastic bag and seal it before putting it in your trash. However, you should not dispose of CFLs or any mercury-containing device in your trash if it is destined for a waste incinerator as this increases the risk of mercury emissions to the environment.

In case that none of the above work for you, the VDEQ states that people can "save dead compact fluorescent light bulbs and wait for recycling opportunities to expand."

One thing that the VDEQ does not mention is that you can recycle your CFLs for free at your local Home Depot. All you have to do is take in your bulbs and give them to the returns desk. Easy. No-Cost. Local. Why isn't this on the VDEQ site?

I decided to email the DEQ Citizen Board of Waste Management to find out. I've asked the chairman to consider my request of adding a link to the Home Depot program to the DEQ website. Read the full email here. I am not sure if this board is the proper channel, or if this board has any input for DEQ website content. But their mission includes "Promoting the recycling and reuse of waste material," so it seemed a good place to start.

UPDATE 09.02.2008
I got the following response to my email:

Thank you for your inquiry. The CFL issue is becoming less problematic as the manufacturers and retailers are looking to provide convenient recycling options of the material, and many local governments are adding CFLs to their HouseHold Hazardous Waste collection events/programs.

Yes, we are aware that IKEA and Home Depot are taking the CFLs at no charge, and will be promoting that in our outreach programs. We expect to update our management information in the near future.

Virginia has no state program set up to cover the costs of recycling CFLs.

Thanks for the suggestions.

G. Stephen "Steve" Coe
Office of Pollution Prevention (P2)
Division of Environmental Enhancement
Department of Environmental Quality

Is it just me, or does this sound like another blow off? And if they know about not only one free CFL recycling program but TWO, why haven't they added this information to the website? The bullshit boggles the mind. I wrote him back, asked him to forward my email up the feeding chain. I can't imagine it is that difficult to get two links added to a webpage.

UPDATE 09.03.2008
Steve came through with the following email:
I appreciate your comments. I have recommended to the various web masters (each media has its own web process) about adding information on the IKEA and Home Depot programs, and have added this information to the Recycling home page (http://www.deq.virginia.gov/recycle/homepage.html) under What’s New. I expect that the information you provided will be added to those other pages within the next 5-10 days depending on the staff’s schedules.

G. Stephen "Steve" Coe
Office of Pollution Prevention (P2)
Division of Environmental Enhancement
Department of Environmental Quality

Steve- if you are reading this- YOU ROCK!

Not sure what type of lighting to use now that CFLs are known to be dangerous?
read my post on green lighting choices

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Funny things my homeschooled kid did at summer camp

Gabriel went to Fire and Life Safety Camp last week offered by the Suffolk Fire Department. A graduation was held on the last day. I arrived early to get front row seats. This also gave me a chance to watch Gabriel interact in his camp environment.

The instructor asked all the kids to sit on the floor Indian Style. Gabriel did not know what this meant. He watched the other kids, a confused look spreading on his face.

"What does that mean? What is Indian Style?"
Pointing to the other kids Gabriel told his teacher, "That is not how Indians sit."
I stage whisper a translation to him.
"Sit criss cross apple sauce, like we do for Yoga."
"Oh! I get it."

His expression melts from confusion to comprehension. He arranges himself into full lotus and begins breathing exercises.

A few moments later the rest of the parents showed up. The teacher was trying to get the children's attention to begin the show.
Teacher: Give me your eyes, I need everyone's eyes!
Kids: wiggle wiggle wiggle
Teacher: Please, children. Look up at me. Give me your eyes. Julie, your eyes please. Cameron, your eyes please. Gabriel, give me your eyes please.
Gabriel: pantomimes popping out his eyes and tossing them to her, complete with sound effects

Earthship planter overflows

This image depicts how our planter is supposed to work. How it has been working for some time. Notice how all the water is in the planter and no water is in the now defunct pump housing area. Excess water flows out the drain on the left and then on to the septic tank.


About three days ago we begun getting whiffs of greywater. Despite its supremely crunchy status, greywater smells awful. Terrible. Like rotten monster mouth. We lifted up the cover of the old pump house and saw lots of spiders, including one black widow. We also saw water. Fetid, stagnant, filled with sloughed off human skin and spit, greywater. We panicked, thinking the planter was failing somehow.

A few days of observation has shown us that the planter is fine but our use of water is not. We had a huge surge of people here recently. Fifteen of us using dishes, washing clothes, and brushing teeth. We were filling it faster than the plants could transpire it, faster even than it could drain out to the septic tank. The water level rose, and excess water spilled out the intake juncture, finding its way into the empty pump house pit. To prevent this in the future, we have decided not to run the dishwasher and clothes washer in the same 6 hour period.

Fire Safety Camp, Suffolk VA

The Suffolk, VA Department of Fire and Rescue offers a Fire and Life Safety Camp every summer. It costs $50 and meets for 5 consecutive 1/2 days. There are 4 sessions offered. The description of this class bewitched me with words like responsibility, leadership, teamwork, and safety. The price is fantastic, and the station happens to be less than 3 miles from our house. Gabriel was delighted to hear that YES, they will get a chance to go on the Fire Truck.

Fire Camp turned out to be as good as we had hoped. The instructors were loving and honest, which is a necessary combination when trying to educate children about scary stuff. Without scaring them. The kids learned about water, road, and fire safety. They got a visit from a local K-9 unit, completed wood crafts, and had a relevant homework assignment: create a fire escape plan for the whole family and practice it. The staff also STRONGLY recommend doing night-time fire drills where children need to get out without adult help. This sounds like a good idea to me, and we're going to try that.

The kids also got an amazing collection of safety treats, including a great courier type bag, fanny pack, first aid kit, coloring books, whistle, and real working compass. The staff arranged a beautiful graduation ceremony and slide show, and sent us home will bellies full of cake. Oh! And there was lunch provided every day of camp. I cannot recommend this program highly enough, and neither can my stepdaughter, Devorah.

Fire and Life Safety Camp is made possible by the Jeff T. Messinger Memorial Fund. Jeff was a 26 year veteran of the Suffolk Department of Fire and Rescue. You can read more about Jeff on page seven of this PDF document. If you would like to donate, please make your check out to "Jeff T. Messinger Memorial Fund" and mail to:

Suffolk Department of Fire and Rescue
400 Market Street
Suffolk, VA 23434
ATTN: JTM Fund








Watch our graduation:

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Egg bound hen at the Earthship

My initial query into what was wrong with my hen included responses such as "this does not look good" and "would you be willing to take her to the vet?" So when she was still alive a few days later, I was very relieved. At that point we had reached a general consensus that the hen had Coccidiosis, a parasitic infection.

Then her bottom cleared up, she still isn't acting "sick," and there are still no eggs. Today I noticed that her bottom area is distended. Her belly seems normal, but the area right around her vent is puffy. This was resolving into an egg issue. We decided she must be egg bound.

When we don't give them enough calcium, the egg shells are very thin and break easily. I think our hen tried to lay an egg that shattered on its way out; the mess on her bottom was the broken egg. All I know about eggs is that the hens need calcium to make them. So I plied her with corn and oyster shells.

As it turns out, calcium deficiency is the number one cause of an egg bound hen. I was very pleased with myself that I intuited this on my own. I felt like a Real Farmer. Too bad for the hen that my super farmer intuition didn't kick in before she got egg bound. I found a reference to treating an egg bound hen with liquid calcium. We're going to try that out.